Flying during lockdown has certainly become a very interesting experience… and this South African hilariously explains a recent incident with masks, physical distancing and brown liquid dripping from the overhead luggage compartment.
South Africa (14 November 2020) – Kim Nicola Stephens is fast becoming our favourite author during South Africa’s COVID-19 lockdown… because we need laughter more now than anything!
She has given us the top 10 middle-class quarantine categories, a hilarious depiction of how confusing level 4 actually is, the beauty truths of the burbs during the lockdown, the runners versus smokers debacle and she weighed in (hilariously) about how everyone in South Africa has suddenly become an expert on nearly everything.
South Africans have a way of getting through the toughest times, usually with a side dish of humour, and her writing is on point.
Kim has permitted us to post the piece on Good Things Guy, and we hope you enjoy the brilliant humour.
What is That Brown Liquid Dripping From the Overhead Luggage?
On the plane this morning, and for the second time in only a few months, a crisis in the form of brown liquid dripping from the overhead luggage cabin on to passengers occurred. Only, this time it was like a Monty Python sketch.
So we’re all masked up and crunched up in the usual budget airline atmosphere. We’ve been sprayed down 7 times, dropped our phones when producing Covid-friendly boarding passes (PLEASE don’t spray my phone, one thing at a freaking time I’m not an octopus!), must handle own luggage due to the “no hands” policy, so at least one over-stuffed bag has knocked someone on the head, and the long-suffering cabin crew have made numerous attempts to get a few idiots to wear their masks properly whilst dealing with a couple of tinfoil morons who think masks are a sure sign of communism and hand sanitizer contains radioactive 5G.
Tensions are a little high in Covid travel.
Suddenly the gent next to me is pushing the big red “help” button, and our cabin crew dude is swooping down towards us like a man about to save a plane from a terrorist attack. He was SO serious.
Fucking code red. I was momentarily resigned to it being THE END and my own fault for flying on Friday the 13th in 2020. Idiot.
I realise that there is brown liquid dripping, then pouring on to the gent on my left, narrowly missing my feet. Big eyes above masks all around us. Has the plane sprung a leak?
Cabin crew hero springs into action with wads of tissue, but the liquid does not abate. Gent in front of us wakes up and takes ownership of a flask of steaming coffee, stashed most conveniently in the overhead luggage hold. You cant order food or drinks on planes any more, so genius thought he would bring his own picnic. FFS.
No passengers may stand around in the aisles due to social distancing, so those afflicted had to crouch, bend and contort away from the scalding Ricoffy.
Just as Cabin Crew Hero began to relax, confident that he had succeeded in his mop-up operation, the gent behind us let out a squeal as the offending liquid dribbled down the back of his shirt. Flask of (how many litres did he bring on board?) Ricoffy had pooled in the luggage cabin, and a tilt in the aircraft had resulted in a redirection of its flow.
By this time I’ve almost crouched in the aisle with my coffee-soaked neighbour just about on my lap as Cabin Crew Hero calls for “more tissue” and a backup crew.
Made the mistake of catching the eyes of an equally amused passenger above his mask, and that was it. Tickets. Bellyache laughter that spread faster than the damn coffee. Worth it for the collective hysteria. We all congratulated Cabin Crew Hero as we disembarked, and he was visibly chuffed.
1. Wear your mask on a plane, these guys and girls are tired of your kak.
2. Don’t forget to connect with the people around you in a positive way; the tension is so much easier to handle when we laugh collectively.
3. Drink your coffee at home. FFS.