Cats may appear warm and cuddly on the outside but their fluffy appearance may be masking more sinister feelings on the inside.
A new study suggests the felines we share our homes with are neurotic and, wait for it, could even be working out how to bump us off but luckily we now have an App to figure out just what your cats are actually up too.
“If your cat is kneading you, that’s not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn’t a gift. It’s a warning.”
Designed by The Oatmeal, this ‘state-of-the-art’ software detects homicidal behavior in cats. Using a mixture of behavioral and visual data, this application will reliably predict whether your cat is plotting to end your life (and cause a whole lot of laughs along the way).
Users that have downloaded the App have even left reviews about how their lives were saved thanks to the Oatmeal…
“Well, I don’t know how to begin. My cat was missing for a week, when it came back I noticed slight chances in its behavior that got me suspicious. Suddenly it’s “cuddling” with me, never leaving my side. I told my friend about it and he recommended this app. Thank god he did! In the moment I pushed the download button my cat jumped up and rushed out of the room. The scan told me that there is a 77% chance of my cat intending to kill me. It opened my eyes! In all those years I didn’t live with a innocent fluff ball, but a cold and blood-thirsty killer. Do something to save your life: install this app!” – PupsMajor
“Some apps keep you healthy by tracking calories or steps. This app, however, saves lives. Get it. Now.” – Fitzy7
“I just realized the danger I was in. Managed to discover the stash of bleach and ammonia before it was deployed in my bedroom, but I suspect the mysterious death of my elderly neighbor was a dry run before it was my turn.” – Saved Owner
“Thank you for bringing Ms Pickles’ plot to our attention.” – Zipopuli
Get the hilarious app by clicking this link.