Does anyone know who the advisory was? Or what Level 2 is? Doesn’t matter, looks like booze and smokes are coming back. Because there has been “advice”.
South Africa (15 August 2020) – Kim Nicola Stephens is fast becoming our favourite author during South Africa’s COVID-19 lockdown… because we need laughter more now than anything!
She has given us the top 10 middle-class quarantine categories, a hilarious depiction of how confusing level 4 actually is, the beauty truths of the burbs during the lockdown, the runners versus smokers debacle and she weighed in (hilariously) about how everyone in South Africa has suddenly become an expert on nearly everything.
South Africans have a way of getting through the toughest times, usually with a side dish of humour, and her writing is on point.
Kim has permitted us to post the piece on Good Things Guy, and we hope you enjoy the brilliant humour.
Predicting Level 2 by looking at what we’ve been through – Kim Nicola Stephens gives us another hilarious perspective!
It is so easy to predict what is coming next, I mean…
There has been a visit from the WHO them-bloody-selves so obviously we are now super fixed in terms of data analytics and global averages. Tick that fucking box. Trust they had tea with the Cubans.
And someone or some organisation has, according to (now pay as you go, fuck that I won’t subscribe) News24 advised Cyril and Co that Level 2 is a go. Does anyone know who the advisory was? Or what Level 2 is? Doesn’t fucking matter, looks like booze and smokes coming back. Because there has been “advice”.
The ANC has appointed a commission of enquiry into themselves, to weed out corruption by themselves. Bring out the fucking pompoms here, fam. Now we’re moving forward. Everyone stay calm; they promise there are sufficient lifeboats onboard. Women and children first. Say what?
Whitey Basson brought out the big old white guns *pew pew pew* and wants to drag this whole cluster fuck to court. While the unbanning of alcohol and cigarettes seems imminent, Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma is STILL justifying the ban in court papers. She needs a holiday, surely.
Russia is NOT entertaining a repeat of the 1955 to 1975 space race, and wrinkly old Putin is claiming would-give-this-to-my-kid vaccine success. Guess he and that orange disaster aren’t that close any more. Look, no one gives a rats willy where it comes from, let’s just get it done. We have all had political grandstanding and agendas up to our exhausted fucking eyeballs. If it works, let’s go. Wrap it up, 2020. Jabs all round. And then jobs, that would be nice.
Cele is claiming that crime is down in the period April to June 2020. YOU DICK. Have you calculated every single contravention of your lockdown rules? Do you know how many illicit wine sales happen between mothers of Rondebosch and Bishops kids DAILY? But truthfully, you fucknut, if it takes locking citizens in their homes, banning alcohol and crushing the economy to reduce violent crime, then how COMPLETELY SHIT were you at doing your job prior? Jeeeeeez… I cannot with that man.
The DA is now claiming radical success in terms of curbing Covid-19 in the Western Cape. Hey, some of the plans did work, but easy on the soapbox drama because its a first in, first out pattern and the rest of the country is following. Same as the rest of the world, but I know Cape Town likes to think it is viable in isolation, forgetting entirely that the whole fucking V&A Waterfront is Germany and Benoni central in December.
Eskom has crashed this party like a drunk, uninvited guest. Always ahead of the curve, they heard “Level Two” in their home-made vodka haze, and fucking brought it. Wrong fucking memo. What happened to doing maintenance while all our factories were closed, and the grid was chilling? Guess Eskom was also watching Tiger King and day drinking back then, so here we are.
See? Easy peasy to see what’s coming next. Walk in the park, guys. Mind the landmines.
Words Kim Stephens. Fuck Cele.