We’re cry-laughing: A travel blogger recently attributed South African destinations to the different tropes of exes, and if you’ve ever dated a Camps Bay, we’re so sorry!
South Africa (23 April 2025) — There are few things better than finally being over a break-up and being able to look back—rose-tinted lenses removed at last—with humour. The fights that once seemed so big are now laughable, the confusing antics are comedy, and all the nonsense that once was the norm is now a meme you can quietly chuckle about in the sanctuary of your peace. Recently, we found ourselves cry-laughing at the accuracy of a travel blogger’s humour—a batch of content dubbed ‘If South African destinations were your ex’.
With inspiration from other creators in tow, travel blogger Lauren Melnick (@thewanderlustmovement) attributed some of South Africa’s best-known destinations to different tropes of exes—and if you’ve ever dated a Camps Bay, we’d like to formally apologise for all the headaches you endured.
Per Lauren, here’s who your ex would be if they were a South African destination or Cape Town neighbourhood:
Camps Bay:
“Hot. Empty. Emotionally about as deep as a puddle on a sunny day. Sys he’s “not like the other guys”, but still make you hike. Will cheat on you and make you pay for parking.”
Drakensberg:
“Spiritual. Grounded. Took you on hikes to “connect” then ghosted you to do ayahuasca in Peru.”
Durban:
“Vibes only. Zero ambition. Still lives with his mom and thinks ‘going with the flow is a personality.But he can cook.”
Hout Bay:
Hot and feral with a dash of family drama. Grew mushrooms. Had a weird obsession with his dog. Told you he is “anti-establishment” but lives in a gated estate.”
Llandudno:
“Gorgeous. But emotionally cold and hard to reach. Literally. Like, there is no Uber. Only texts you at sunset. You thought it was intimacy. It was just good lighting.”
Mpumalanga
“Gave ‘soft life’ at first. But also? No signal. No communication. Just vibes and vibes alone.”
Plettenberg Bay:
“Pretty. Fun. Cheated on you with his ex over New Years.”
Stellenbosch:
“Rich. Pretentious. Pretends to read. Took you wine tasting one and quotes Nietzsche unironically.”
You can find the full ‘if exes were…’ series via @thewanderlustmovement (as well as some fantastic travel insights and inspo!).
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