I always thought going to Europe and following “my heritage” would be the event to change me but no, it was South Africa that really changed me.
United States of America (05 January 2022) – I had never left the country before, and for my whole life, I’ve been convinced once I got off the plane to any other country, I would get snatched (at any other country). I’ve always dreamt of what would be outside of the US and have desperately always wanted to. But it still seemed like an impossible fantasy.
It took me tons of Xanax to survive the 22-hour flights and prepare for whatever dangers lay ahead.
I visited Johannesburg, spent eight days in the bush, and spent the last days in Cape Town. Every single second I spent changed my life. But halfway through, what was supposed to be a fun vacation turned into me being furious about the world. About the petty problems in the US. I’ve never liked animals, ever. No house pets except for my cats. Then I saw a fucking hyena that changed my life and now I want to die for them. Yes, we have areas in the US with no water, but not the entire country. Not like this. Being a white American in a primarily black country, I will never be the same (I live in the south).
My entire perception of the world has turned upside down.
Since I could walk and talk, I’ve only wanted to do one thing for my entire life. And I have. Spite fuels my art, and my greatest accomplishments have come from my anger. Leaving South Africa, I realized I barely knew what real anger was. The fire in my veins has turned into battery acid. Now, for the first time in 30 years, there’s something else I want to do with my life. I want to be there. I want to help.
One big lesson I learned from talking to everyone I met on my trip, from airport to airport, from place to place:
- South Africans are the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. I got the best hug of my life and was treated with nothing but absolute kindness and generosity I’ve never found in the US.
- Americans are trailer trash with a giant military budget.
- I always thought going to Europe and following “my heritage” would be the event to change me but no, it was South Africa that really changed me.
- I am here now. And I want to help.
Thank you South Africa and every single citizen I met who changed my life forever.
Nothing will ever be the same. Thank you for giving me the rage I need to make something more of my life, to make a real change for people that need it. And for showing me compassion, I didn’t know I never had.
Sincerely, A trailer trash American.
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