Drought Groundwater Cyclone Day Zero Water Bucket
Photo Credit: On File

A brilliantly written post about life after Day Zero is going viral and giving South Africans some comedic relief.

 

Karen Jeynes, the headwriter for Puppet Nation, Point of Order and Parlement Parlement has written a tongue-in-cheek post about what life after Day Zero may mean.

The Facebook post has been shared thousands of times and racked up hundreds of comments from social media users who are thankful for the comedic relief.

Read the full post below but be warned there are some NSFW words:

Day Zero: Fuck

Day One AW (After Water): This isn’t so bad! I met such interesting people in the water queue, it takes a crisis to bring us all together, as the saying goes. And I finally got to break out some of my nifty gadgets! Camping shower almost makes this feel like a holiday.

Day Three AW: Friends overseas are totally eating up my drought pics on instagram, my bucket queue selfie got more likes even than that time my cutest child kissed a kitten.

Day Four AW: Lost the game of rock, paper, scissors with the family so I’m off to collect water AGAIN. Handle fell off my bastard bucket. Two people in the queue shouted at me. I have a massive blister. This isn’t fun at all.

Day Seven AW: Fairly certain I saw the neighbour queue and then go to the back of the line again, never trusted him. Might sneak into his backyard tonight and steal some of his rainwater, queuehogging twat. I mean, I’m fairly certain I saw him.

Day Eight AW: Confronted queue hogging neighbour AT THREE AM IN HIS BACKYARD WHEN HE CAUGHT ME CACKLING AND EMPTYING HIS WATER ONTO THE GRASS BECAUSE SCREW YOU WATERHOGGING PATRIARCHAL OVERLORD! Turns out he was queueing twice because he was giving the first load to the elderly ladies that live on the corner. Oh how we laughed at the misunderstanding. Well at least I laughed, he clearly has no sense of humour.

Day Ten AW: I’ve made it ten days! I’m such a survivor. One day I’ll tell my grandkids about what a badass I was in the Drought of 2018.

Day Twelve AW: Period came. I know I’m supposed to let yellow mellow, but I don’t remember discussions about pink?

Day Fourteen AW: Mosquito colony so entrenched that I have to fight them for access to The Torture Chamber, as I now refer to the loo. The best approach is a lighter/deodorant homemade blowtorch combo.

Day Fifteen AW: Hey, if I cover myself in catfood then my cat licks me clean! Win!

Day Seventeen AW: Hair is so overrated.

Day Twenty Five AW: Sewage pipes burst in four suburbs today, and if you thought you’d seen poo protestors before, let me tell you YOU KNOW NOTHING. The shit hit the fan, literally this huge giant fan which had been carefully aimed at the Parliament buildings. Almost made the whole thing worth it, watching them flee.

Day Twenty Seven AW: Minor scuffle today as rival gangs fought for control of our water distribution site. Queues completely shut down until order can be restored. Some guy offered me thirty litres on the black market but I wasn’t prepared to do the sexual favours he was requesting. He made me feel dirty, which is so ironic.

Day Thirty Two AW: OH HI diarrhoea, I’ve been expecting you.

Day Thirty Five AW: Pitched my novel about the drought and one woman’s heroic quest to survive in such horrifying conditions, but publisher yawned and said I was the fifteenth person to pitch her the idea just this morning. Mine would have been better though, than all those others. I feel I can truly get to the HEART of this suffering.

Day Forty AW: I’d cry, but I desperately need the moisture.

Day Seventy AW: Trying to remember this trick I saw on a documentary once, where these incredibly inspiring and water savvy people sort of squeezed this plant and directed liquid to their mouths via the thumb? It was so moving at the time. Or maybe it was Bear Ghrylls. Anyway, apparently it doesn’t work on strelitzia.

Day One Hundred AW: Remember when water used to come out of taps? Now I just dance naked in the rain, and in between I get all my hydration needs from alcohol.

Day One Thousand AW: Hey, remember when Cape Town was still a thing? Those were the days, huh.


Sources: Facebook
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Brent Lindeque is the founder and editor in charge at Good Things Guy.

Recognised as one of the Mail and Guardian’s Top 200 Young South African’s as well as a Primedia LeadSA Hero, Brent is a change maker, thought leader, radio host, foodie, vlogger, writer and all round good guy.

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