Relationships Family Hygge
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Allison Dike shares useful insights into how one builds meaningful relationships with family that will always matter.

 

South Africa (15 January 2025) – I am sometimes struck by the fact that we often know our friends better than we know our family.

The common round table ice breaker of, “If you could share a meal with any person, dead or alive, who would that be?” – I would love to be able to have a lunch with all four of my grandparents at the age I am now. My interactions with them were before I was 20. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted, and I didn’t know who they actually were and what made them that way.

This made me reflect on families and how I would like to have a relationship with my son that is more than just mother and son. Don’t get me wrong, in no way am I interested in being his tjommie, but I am interested in being more than just his prison warden, chauffeur and personal chef.

In a deliberate attempt to get to know my son and for him to get to know me, we started doing “Lows and Highs” last year. A corporate team building exercise adapted for parenting.

Every day, we take 5 minutes to reflect on the day. It’s harder to find this time than you think, so if you’d like to try this with your family, I suggest scheduling a time.

First question….

“What was the worst part of your day?”

Let them talk and then give them support in that. Take the problem seriously, it’s an issue for them and they are trusting you with it. This may not come naturally to all children, but that’s ok. All you’re looking for is something in their day that they didn’t like or that made them feel yuk. These are minor conversations that form trust and bonds with your ever-changing child. The aim is that one day, when something big actually does go wrong, the relationship is already there, and they feel safe confiding in you.

Then, and way more enjoyable…

“What was the best part of your day?”

Teenager parents brace yourself for the ‘everything sucks’ response and encourage them to find one thing that made them happy in that day. It’s a skill and it needs to be taught to our kids. Find joy in the simple things. “I really enjoyed my lunch today”, “It was Emily’s birthday, and we all got a cupcake”, “I saw a puppy”, “Mrs Voster told us a joke”. ANTYHING will do.

You must also share your Low and your High.

Obviously don’t burden your children with too much truth and keep it age appropriate. This way your kids get to know you. So often, parents are just process-driven working machines who drink on the weekend. These kinds of discussions will build your relationship with your child.

Let your child get to know you and take the time to get to know them and not just the fact that they do or do not like tomato sauce on their boerie roll.

The most important relationships that you have in your life, are the lives living under your roof. Be intentional. This way, your grandchildren will hear stories about you when they are in their 40s, which will make them feel a bond with you and the life you chose to live.


Sources: Supplied 
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About the Author

Tyler Leigh Vivier is a writer for Good Things Guy.

Her passion is to spread good news across South Africa with a big focus on environmental issues, animal welfare and social upliftment. Outside of Good Things Guy, she is an avid reader and lover of tea.

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