My advice today is to look at your world differently. Find the things you are grateful for, and then focus on them. Find the good things happening every day around you and hold on to them. And once you feel your heart light up, try to give that gift to someone else.
Johannesburg, South Africa (11 April 2022) – I was recently asked to deliver a keynote to Dainfern College on their Founder’s Day Celebration. A few Good Things Guy followers have asked if they could read it so I have updated it (post the announcement of the end of the state of disaster) and published below.
Finding the Good Things.
I like to say I have the best job in the world. Every single day, I get to sift through hundreds of good news stories and then tell those stories to South Africa and the world.
Every single day I am entrenched in good news. And this has made seeing good things around me so much easier. But even that hasn’t made the world any less scary for me.
The last two years have been filled with so much trauma. We have lost loved ones, businesses, incomes, health, faith in our leaders and every ounce of what we used to call normal.
COVID-19 – caused by a virus with unprecedented deadliness and voracious contagion – brought the world to a standstill. As we struggled to process the pandemic’s rising death toll and reeled from its economic impact, we couldn’t move or gather together freely. Our normality was gone. Coronavirus anxiety was everywhere. The future was uncertain, and we collectively knew that the outlook was bad.
In those beginning days, weeks and months, we were all in a constant state of grief. It was this kind of emergency state, where everybody was destabilised.
It was really scary – we were experiencing loss because we’d lost our sense of security. And that made it really tricky. The other thing that made COVID-19 really tricky is that the destination wasn’t clear.
There was no finality or end date attached to this thing, and the world was mourning on a wide scale, grieving what we hadn’t yet lost.
The reality was that even if we and our loved ones had all made it through okay, there would still be an enormous loss of life across the globe, transforming the makeup of our towns and neighbourhoods. And that’s not to mention the loss of routine, economic security, local businesses, and the dozens of other things that once comprised everyday life. What we were all experiencing collectively was an emotional state called anticipatory grief, where people were acutely feeling a loss that hadn’t yet occurred on a global scale.
Unlike bereavement, the grieving that follows loss, anticipatory grief lacks a sense of finality.
It’s funny because even though we were experiencing this trauma, we still kept hope alive. We got up every single day and kept going.
It was exactly two weeks after the lockdown took hold of South Africa that I jotted down some goals for when this thing ended.
Some were small things (which are actually the biggest things) like hugging my parents, or going to the movies, or putting down that damn packet of salt and vinegar chips… or one day being able to throw our annual Halloween party again. Others were bigger, things that were so out of reach that, at times, felt almost impossible. Like I would never get to actually see them through. Visit Madikwe – one of my favourite places in the world. Have a pool day at “The Glen” in Cape Town. Going to the beach again to wee in the sea. Travel to another country. Run the New York City Marathon. Have a positive impact on the world. Write a book. See my bestie in Scotland. Play in the snow. Conquer my fears.
Watch Dear Evan Hansen on stage. One of my favourite, favourite shows in the Westend. Two years ago, most of these things seemed impossible.
Even just four months ago, everything was so different.
South Africans were on the red list. We still had a curfew in our country. We had no clue if beaches would be open in December. We had no idea if the case numbers would skyrocket to the point that they would take flip-flops, packets of yeast and roast chickens away again. Uncertainty was glittered with fear and sadness.
I had completely forgotten about that list I wrote all those months ago, but in December, I got to travel to London – just as the travel red list was lifted – and while sitting five rows from the front of the stage watching Dear Evan Hansen live in the West End – I remembered.
I remembered my list.
I remembered the last two years.
I remembered the trauma.
The Tony Award-Winning Musical is about feeling alone. About being scared. About tragedy. About facing your fears. About holding your sadness with kindness. About finding each other. About connecting. About seeing optimism, and more than anything, it’s about finding hope again.
And as I sat there, I looked around at everyone “collectively crying” around me and was reminded once again how we are all going through this thing together.
Even though it has felt like we were all alone, we have all faced this trauma together.
And then I saw hope. Again.
At the end of the show, as the curtains fell and the lights came on, I saw people holding each other a little tighter.
That experience. That moment. Brought so much perspective. It reminded me about the story of the water bottle.
A bottle of water in the supermarket is worth about R7. The same bottle in a bar costs R16. At an airport or on the plane, you may be charged R22. In a good restaurant or hotel, it can be worth up to R35.
The bottle and the brand is the same; the only thing that changes is the place. Each place gives a different value to the same product.
And I think we kind of do the same when we look at situations… but if we change our place, or our perspective… the situation begins to change. And we have the courage to see the world in a different light; then, the world will really start to look different.
If 2020 was the year of unprecedented, and 2021 was the year of anticipatory grief, then 2022 is the year of perspective. The year of hope. The year of connection.
Yes, we are two years into this thing, and the world is still a very scary place.
The state of disaster is over but we’re still in it for 30 days; over 24,000 people have died, and 11 million displaced in a tragic conflict that no one wants. The fuel price is apparently going to hit R40 a litre, and a return flight to Cape Town can cost the same as going to Europe at the moment.
It feels like a lot, BUT it always has. There’s always something, and somehow we get through it.
Do you remember in March 2017 when we had to keep buckets in our showers, sinks and could only flush if not “mellow” to save water in one of the worst droughts we’ve ever seen… a decade ago, I was still mourning the loss of my Dad, flip that lasted for years, and then there was that first time in 2008 when we were told that our power was going to be “shed” and then everything got so expensive because of it. We were scared. Let’s not even get into our lives in general. Not knowing what we want to be when we grew up. Not knowing what sort of future lies ahead. Break-ups, job losses, counting our pennies, and moments thinking that we wouldn’t make it through the day.
We’ve all been there.
Fast-forward to today, and I woke up this morning counting my blessings.
I have the most incredible family and friends. I have some really cool projects on the go with some really awesome clients. I’m planning a trip to the bush, to Amsterdam and to India! Events are open again, and I am going to all of them! A new Playstation game (that I’ve been waiting for four years just came out), the new Florence + the Machine is epic, the new Marvel movie is coming out soon, and my three pups who lost one of their best- friends are doing okay.
Perspective is everything right? The way we see the world depends on how we look at it.
So my advice today is to look at your world differently. Find the things you are grateful for, and then focus on them. Find the good things happening every day around you and hold on to them. And once you feel your heart light up, try to give that gift to someone else.
The world is a tough place, but we’re in this together… and that’s how we get through it. By having the courage to connect… and then helping others to do the same.
I’ll leave you with these four key things I carry with me every day.
- Happiness (or motivation) is like hygiene; you need to shower every day to keep clean. The same goes for your happiness meter. Fill it up every day.
- Don’t be the reason anyone feels insecure today… be the reason everyone feels seen, heard and supported by the entire universe.
- Remember that you pour out what you are full of.
- Be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some sort of battle that you know nothing about.
And as I always say… wishing you only good things.
Okay. Love You. Bye.
by 