I tried to slit my wrists when I was 15; you can still see the faint scars. I’m not proud of it, nor am I ashamed. That difficult period has made me the person I am today, maybe more so than the good parts of my life.
Pretoria, South Africa (19 May 2022) – The Deputy Head of St Alban’s School wore his heart on his sleeve and spoke candidly about his suicide attempt hoping that his message might save someone else from depression.
Little did he know that his message would be so far-reaching.
The vulnerable and important post about suicide was shared on St Alban’s College’s social media pages but has quickly gained traction, with many sharing it.
“So often, parents and schools agonise about results, status and brand that we forget that we are dealing with young adults trying to find their way in life. Today a young man, our Deputy Head of School, Francois Janse van Rensburg reminded us all in his chapel talk about what is, in fact, important. He is brave, courageous, humble, and a shining light of hope. I am so proud of him for speaking out. He is a true guardian of the truth!” – Mr Shane Kidwell.
We have republished it here with permission from the school.
One in three people experience mental health issues, and 75% of suicides are committed by men. Suicide is the third biggest killer of men.
Wow, these stats are really boring. These statistics have been spouted over and over and over. You’ve become desensitised to them.
So today, I’m going to rather share a personal story to prove these statistics have names, families, hopes and dreams.
I tried to slit my wrists when I was 15; you can still see the faint scars. I’m not proud of it, nor am I ashamed. That difficult period has made me the person I am today, maybe more so than the good parts of my life. If you asked me today, to point to an exact event that led to my depression, I wouldn’t be able to do so. All I saw was a fog, fog that seemed to clog all and any exit routes. I was sad enough to desire death over my current situation. I felt completely isolated. Emphasis on felt, a lot of the isolation was in my head. I had a strong group of friends, caring parents, excelled in sport, and did well in school. I felt guilty about having the audacity to be depressed. I believed that no one understood me, that my demons were mine and mine alone. My depression turned into a life or death battle.
I won, however, the odds could very easily have been skewed in another direction.
Mental health issues are the norm, not the exception.
Most men cannot talk about their feelings, correlating to a higher rate of suicide in men. I always believed something was wrong with me. This feeling of shame overpowered any attempted support structure, accepting help would only prove my weakness right?
Boys listen, I’m not here today to lecture, I’m not here today to shout, I’m here to plead. I’m standing here baring my soul to you in the hope that even one of you can hear me, truly hear me, and find help. Boys please, I know sometimes you can feel stuck, it is ok to struggle; IT IS OK to not be ok.
No matter who you are and what you struggle with, you can rise above your challenges. That small, anxious, depressed Grade 9 boy became deputy head of school, a South African basketball player, and got academic honours.
Even though all these achievements I still regret not finding help.
I took on so much extra pain and hurt, all for the sake of my own ego. Suicide is never the option. A dead-end can sometimes feel like the end of the road but just turn around, retrace your steps and find a different path. Show the resilience and bravery of an Albanian and ask someone for help. I’m here for you guys; you can tell me anything.
Wow, today was extremely difficult. Putting myself out there was very scary. Though, I would do it a million times over if it meant I helped a single one of you. If a single one of you can now win a battle against your demons. As Kendrick Lamar said, and I echo this from the bottom of my heart, don’t worry “we gon be alright”.
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