“Hit a pothole, miss a turn”, “medical parole to get out of jail”, and just ditching the electric and water board cards all together, these are some of the Monopoly upgrades thought up by witty writer Tracy Winch Schloesser.
South Africa (21 February 2023) – Tracy Winch Schloesser has been writing brilliant snippets of South African life, for some time now. Her musings have kept her friends and family thoroughly entertained since the days of the Corona Virus.
Having fallen in love with writing, she continued to share her thoughts well past the pandemic and global lockdowns. The latest was sent in by a reader and avid fan of Tracy’s. It is her recommendations for upgrades to the South African version of Monopoly.
We think these upgrades are brilliant, what about you?
South African Monopoly Upgrades
I think that it’s time that the South African version of Monopoly got updated. I mean, let’s be real here: it was last updated in 2016 and while it contained many more local heritage sites than before, the country also worked a “bit” better back than. But I use the word “bit” lightly as that was the Zuma era, when the “mathematician” himself was busy quietly siphoning away money that aided into us becoming the swift downhill runaway train that we are.
I have some very fond memories of playing monopoly as a child and yearning for the time when I was big and could buy “Smith Street” in Durban for “real”. Except ain’t nobody wants to buy Smith Street in Durban now! You could also buy the Water Board and Electricity Board and I somehow doubt anyone would want to buy those now either!
So there are many suggestions that could be included in the new version – one really doesn’t have to think too hard. For starters, there could be the “hit a pothole and miss a turn” block. And we wouldn’t need the “go directly to jail” block as no one in South Africa ever really goes to jail. If we did feel it necessary to include it, then we could throw in a “get medical parole” card instead of the traditional “get out of jail free” card. You also would no longer collect R200 when you passed begin – instead you would collect eleventy seventy hundred forty million rands (also known as Phala Phala money). Included too would be a block called “meet the Guptas and get a billion ronts of taxpayer money”. Oh and you wouldn’t be buying SAA – that block would be renamed as “make SAA bankrupt and get five hundred million as a reward. There would also be a special block called “interrupt SONA proceedings and win a firepool”.
But it wouldn’t all be negative as that would be a wee bitty sad. We could have a positive spin on certain things – like “put in solar and get a reward of R100 000 ” or “direct the morning traffic and get a reward of R5000”. Fixing a pothole could earn you a smashing R50 000. And not complaining about the state of the country for over a week could win you two imported tigers and a wandering crocodile!
For all the good memories of monopoly, there are also those where someone upturned the board and left the room saying that they “don’t want to play anymore”. I guess that’s how many SAFFA’S are feeling a bit right now – we are all a bit tired of this daily “game” we play. And the sad reality is that there are no “millions” rolling into our bank accounts. Instead we are all shelling out any spare savings we have for solar.
On the positive side, the new SA adult version of Monopoly could also have a “buy a wine farm and get unlimited free crushed grapes” block. As an added bonus you would get a wine glass and bottle of crushed grapes thrown in, so that if you did have to miss two turns because you “had no electricity for seven days”, the pain wouldn’t be quite so bad!