Because kindness is one of the greatest gifts!
South Africa (27 January 2020) – Tamara recently went viral with a story about how she found friendship with a neighbour because of a bowl.
Tamara first defined her neighbour as a “grumpy old man” but realised over dinner – that they had invited him to – that he wasn’t a mean guy and was actually just “out of practice with peopling because he was so lonely”.
The talented writer took to Twitter to share the story, which has resonated with many South Africans. It highlights how a simple act of kindness like sharing a bowl, can change perceptions but more so it reminds us to be kind to everyone, especially the older “folks”.
Read the full thread below.
Friendship, in a bowl (a thread)
“We live next to a grumpy old man who can be difficult and close-minded. But he has been very good to us. He let us park in his carport and driveway for months when our garage was under construction, and we didn’t have off-street parking at home.
We had him for dinner to say thanks. He brought dessert he’d baked for us. We realised how lonely he is.
One day, he mentioned off-hand it was his birthday. We got him a gift. He was “cross” with us but obviously moved.
He now routinely brings us baked goods he’s made.
He calls on my husband for anything he needs help with (usually IT stuff, which is hilarious, given that I’m responsible for tech support in this house. But I’m a woman, so what do I know?).
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When we were away in Dec, we arranged a sitter for our cats but left keys with him too.
When we dropped off the keys, we left a Christmas gift for him. Just some small luxuries he can’t normally get for himself. And a nice fruit bowl, filled with rusks I’d baked.
He told us we were crazy and was “cross” again.
When we arrived back, he brought back the bowl.
He said it was too nice and too much, and he didn’t want it. He’d brought it back filled with small (terrible) milk tarts he’d made.
We thanked him.
Then I sent the bowl back to him, filled with veg from the garden.
He sent it back, filled with green figs from his garden. Sadly, they were mostly already too far gone to use. But I had green figs from my own garden, so when he asked if I was enjoying the figs, I could truthfully answer “yes.”
I sent the bowl back filled with tomatoes.
Last week, he dropped off the bowl again, filled with slip-skin grapes from his garden, plus more in a plastic bag. They are quite sour, so this weekend I made grape jam. A first for me!
Last night, I sent the bowl back. Inside are bottles of green fig preserve and grape jam.
At some point, I’m sure the bowl will be back again. I’m already plotting what to put in it for its next return. But this is how we’re building this friendship… one bowl of love at a time.”
Tamara’s thread quickly went viral, so the kind South African took to Twitter again to thank everyone for “cheering up her day” and to remind everyone just to be kind!
“Ummm, wasn’t expecting this to be popular. Thanks for the love, everyone. You’ve cheered up my Monday.
I don’t have a SoundCloud, and I’m not on Instagram. But please be nice to your neighbours and remember the old folks.”
Just as loneliness can hurt our health, friendships can actually improve it in far-reaching (and sometimes surprising) ways. Studies have found socialising can strengthen the immune system. It can help us recover more quickly from illness, lower blood pressure and the risk of heart disease, sharpen memory and help us even get a better night’s sleep. Socializing can also improve our odds of living longer. According to one study, people with strong connections to family and friends have a 50% greater chance of outliving those with fewer social ties.
Bottom line? Friends are essential, especially as we get older and if you have a bowl, or you are just kind to one another… you might find a new friend!
You can also listen to Tamara’s interview with Gordon Graham below after her Twitter thread went viral:
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