Sorry, what? A seal ate your hair on Table Mountain?
Cape Town, South Africa (01 April 2026) – Imagine that. Hating your experience of Table Mountain so much, you leave a negative Google review…
The same Table Mountain that was voted one of the New 7 Wonders of Nature and stands as an ancient, 240-million-year-old icon of our landscapes. The same mountain that forms part of a floral kingdom that boasts more plant species than the entire United Kingdom…
That one?
Turns out, in the words of Shania Twain, that don’t impress me much.
Well, not us. But the Google reviewers. The people taking time out of their busy days to roast Table Mountain.
Trail runner hero Danielle Lubbe recently shared a video on social media that has gained more than 160,000 views. In it, she shares some of the – quite frankly – ridiculous complaints Negative Nancies have had about the Mother City’s most beloved mountain.
Before we go any further, we need to make one thing clear. If the reviews were regarding real concerns threatening safety or about poorly maintained trails, we’d understand. This is an entirely different story…
Courtesy of Lubbe, some of the colourful reviews left by Table Mountain visitors over the years:
“Disappointing when you get to the top. Scruff and dirty, 3 stars” Since when are mountains generally preferred smooth and clean?
“Too high and they do not sell food + a seal ate my hair, 3 stars” A seal ate your hair, on top of a high mountain, where there was no food?
“It’s a mountain, 1 star” Didn’t see that one coming.
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Thousands of people across the globe save up for years just to catch a glimpse of that famous ‘tablecloth’ cloud draping over the summit, but some visitors clearly have different hopes.
Danielle’s right. You can be a world-class masterpiece, and someone will still find a reason to swipe left. One of the most beautiful landmarks on Earth can’t get a five-star review from everyone; we should probably stop worrying so much about the critics in our own lives!
A brilliant little lesson.
And hey, if you feel like doing something good, go and leave a positive review about Table Mountain on Google!
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