After the death of their son Ky, Jen Rowe found herself paying closer attention to the way people speak, listen and show up for one another. KY-ND emerged as her response… a reminder that kindness, when practised with intent, can change lives.
Western Cape, South Africa (06 January 2026) – Jen Rowe never set out to start a “thing”. She was just trying to survive the unthinkable. And keep her family standing after losing her son, Ky. But grief has a way of stripping life down to what truly matters. It sharpens the weight of words. It exposes how lonely people can feel, even when surrounded. And it turns kindness from a nice idea into something essential.
KY-ND was born from that place. From heartbreak. From love. From a family refusing to let their child’s life be remembered only for how it ended.
On the evening of 9 August 2022, just after 8pm, Jen received a phone call that changed everything. Ky died by suicide. And from that moment, Jen’s world became a before-and-after.
“KY-ND was born out of heartbreak and tragedy… On the 9th of August 2022, just after 8pm, I received a call, a call that changed my life… ‘I’m so sorry… this is the worst call I have to make…’
We had lost our son to suicide.
When your extraordinary son decides to leave this life he was living fully, your world shatters. You are forever changed. I respected his decision because I knew Ky and I love and understand him deeply, but it was a tsunami to all of us. Never would I have imagined this would be our journey. My world instantly broke apart.
Ky was so strong and present, he was the helper, the listener, the carer, sometimes the joker and player, with the most gorgeous, cheeky smile, who touched so many lives. Ky had decided that he couldn’t live with the pain he was feeling in that moment, in those few hours.
As a Mom, it is the most heartbreaking realisation to come to terms with. Your child chose to leave. You analyse every discussion, every tough moment, every harsh word uttered by peers and teachers, every knock in his life, every moment that you offered guidance and love and why that wasn’t enough. You have to look inward, you have to process, you have to question, you have to sit in the excruciating pain BUT how do you survive? I’m still learning! I have to practise KY-ND to self, a really tough one, but so vital! I can’t change what happened. This is not a journey I envisaged, ever! It is not a journey I wish anyone else to have to go on. In this pain, I have lost who I was before but what I still am is a Mom to my younger son.”
If you’ve ever sat with someone in grief, you’ll know this part: the love doesn’t disappear. It gets louder. It becomes the thing you carry and the thing that carries you.
Jen says they were surrounded immediately, held up by people who arrived with meals, presence, practical help and a kind of steady compassion that you don’t forget.
“From the moment we heard Ky had died, we were surrounded by incredible family and friends. Full of love and immense KY-NDness. They came into our home and helped us navigate extremely dark days. And frightening nights. They made sure that all the necessary steps and admin, that your brain can’t manage when experiencing immense trauma, were covered. Around our Yellowwood table was love, support, sadness and excruciating pain, with our community holding us tightly.
And here I am 3 years later, heartbroken but standing. Living for my family, for our sons, for all the incredible friends that surround me and hold me, and us, with so much love and compassion.”
And then comes the part where the story shifts, not into something “better”, not into something neat, but into something purposeful because Jen didn’t want Ky’s story to end in silence.
“Since Ky died, I have had a deep sense of wanting to honour his life and legacy by trying to reach out and help others who may be feeling alone and unworthy as he did in his life.
KY-ND (kind + intent + purpose) was born as I neared the 1st year of Ky’s death and my 1st birthday without Ky. KY-ND, the word, was gifted to me by friends, Andrew and Loraine, in a beautifully written message for Ky’s 21st. They spoke about Ky’s kindness and wrote kind as Kynd. It was so fitting and so Ky! So desperately sad to think that Ky never had the 21st he was so looking forward to!
I wanted to start conversations around owning our words and actions and the impact they have and what it really means to be kind. How do we start connecting and reaching out? We need to talk about the tough issues we face. It’s really ok to not be ok! Words matter!”
That’s the heartbeat of KY-ND: kindness that isn’t vague or performative but intentional. Kindness that shows up as words you choose carefully. As a moment where you decide to soften instead of sharpen. As a decision to sit down next to someone who looks alone.
That’s how it began, not with branding, but with a bench.
“I didn’t know how to do that, so I started with a bench at Ky’s school where I sat during break and if anyone wanted to come and chat I was there. The thought is that if anyone is sitting on Ky’s bench alone, go and sit next to them and just be. Ky’s residence in Stellenbosch has done the same. That was the beginning of spreading KY-ND.”
From there, the message travelled into the real world in a way that feels very Jen. A logo traced from Ky’s tattoo. A shirt that opens a door. A symbol that invites conversation without forcing it.
“So a beautiful, quality T-shirt, created from heartbreak, with love, purpose and intent was born! I am hoping that KY-ND can ignite conversations as we can begin wearing them and sharing our stories.
Ky had wanted a tattoo since he was about 15. And then the tree on his chest. A tree, which meant so much to me and to him. That is his tree tattoo in the logo. Trees, the symbol of life.
I hope you wear your tee and that it ignites conversation. So often people struggle in social environments, Ky did. Here is a way to stand in a room or with a group of people, say nothing, and hopefully someone asks you what you are wearing. And there begins the conversation!”
And those conversations are happening.
“We are building a KY-ND community together. Connection is so important. I was wearing my KY-ND tee the other day and a stranger came up to me and said, ‘Hi, we have a bench at our school with KY-ND on it. I sit on it often’. We went into a coffee shop the other day and met a young man working there who had on his KY-ND tee. We spoke, hugged and were instantly connected. We need community, we need a purpose and we need to feel that our lives matter.”
There’s also tangible good being done alongside the message. KY-ND has helped raise funds for Operation Smile South Africa, supporting children and families in very real, practical ways, another thread that ties back to Ky and the things that mattered to him.
“We have managed to raise over R55 000 for Operation Smile through KY-ND. They are doing amazing work in helping transform the lives of cleft patients and their families.”
But if you ask Jen what KY-ND looks like day-to-day, she doesn’t point to big moments. She points to choices.
“If you are reading this, I want to say ‘Thank you’ first for taking the time to read these words. I do believe that we need to start with ourselves first. Often, the most kind and caring humans are not looking after their own thoughts, emotions and words to themselves.
Wake up a few minutes earlier. Set your intention. If that is too difficult for now, then set your intention to do something KY-ND in the day. Smile at a stranger, call a friend and express your gratitude, let someone into the traffic queue with a smile, write a note with KY-ND words. Words are so powerful! If you don’t have anything KY-ND to say, rather say nothing! A KY-ND thought, word and action costs nothing, but means everything!”
That’s what makes KY-ND different. It doesn’t demand you become someone else overnight. It asks you to notice. To pause. To lead with gentleness, especially with yourself.
And because Jen’s heart is firmly set on protecting children from suffering in silence, KY-ND also leans into schools, parents, and educators, encouraging conversations early, and giving young people language for what they feel.
Her hope is simple, and huge: that kids grow up knowing they matter, that their emotions are valid, and that asking for support is not weakness.
Finally, when I asked Jen what she would want someone in deep pain to hear, not as advice, but as reassurance, she spoke with the kind of honesty that doesn’t pretend.
“I wish I could help make the pain stop, but I can’t… But I can try to find some inner peace… I find that living in the present moment, even for short spaces of time, really helps me… I would encourage anyone in pain to seek out nature…
I want you to know that what you feel is real and it is ok to feel. I want you to know that you are loved… that you being here matters to those who love you. That you are not a burden, but a gift. That you are not alone…
There is darkness and pain, but there is light and love too… In the morning, the sun rises, the loss hits, but the birds sing, the friendships hold us and we take steps in KY-NDness.”
KY-ND was born on a road no family wants to walk. But what’s come from it is a growing reminder that kindness can be active, intentional, and life-giving. And that words, when chosen with care, can help people feel seen before they disappear into their own pain.
Jen is doing this for Ky. For her family. For children who don’t yet have the language to explain what’s happening inside them. And for anyone who needs a simple reminder today: you matter, you are not alone, and there are people who will sit next to you… even if it’s just a bench and the start of a conversation.
*Jen has launched the KY-ND pledge for 2026. You can join by clicking here.
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