We are all in this together – separated in our houses – but all together, and that’s how we get through this… together!
Johannesburg, South Africa (15 February 2021) – There’s no doubt that we’re in a mental health crisis right now and no one has escaped 2020 version 2.0. So how do we make sure that we get through this year not just the same, but better? Maybe even better than ever? It’s time to turn lemons, not just into lemonade, but into Pina Coladas!
Human beings are incredibly resilient when we need to be and boy do we need to be right now! One of my favourite tell-it-like-it-is authors is Mark Manson and on the topic of resilience he says: Psychological resilience doesn’t come from positive feelings. It comes from leveraging your negative feelings. Resilience is the ability to create positive adaptations to negative events.
His five points of advice on resilience is this:
- Care about something other than yourself
- Focus on what you can control
- Inward optimism, outward pessimism
- Find your inner masochist
- Never suffer alone
On first glance you may be thinking I’ve lost the plot but hear me out.
To care about something or someone other than ourselves has been one of the driving mantras of mine ever since I started the Good Things Guy platform almost six years ago. On any given day I receive multiple examples of South Africans doing good for their fellow citizens. This is great because focusing on others prevents us from constantly obsessing over our own insecurities and anxieties. Stop asking yourself if you’re good enough, if you’re smart enough, attractive enough, productive enough. You are always enough. Rather ask how you can add a little happiness in someone else’s life.
Focus on what you can control. In my opinion this is where creating a routine is so vitally important. You can control your own emotions and your reaction to different situations. You can control how you speak to people you love, to strangers on the internet and to your work colleagues. Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Psychologists often talk about something called “pain catastrophizing” which is when someone takes something small, like somebody disagreeing with you online for instance and completely blowing it out of proportion and letting it ruin your day, your week or even your year version 2.0. (You’re singing this aren’t you??)
Inward optimism, outward pessimism. This is a tricky one. Mark Manson writes that back in the day, stoics believed that one should practice visualizing the worst possible outcome of a situation as a way to mentally prepare yourself for hardship. The thinking went that if you could be comfortable with the worst, then everything else would be a pleasant surprise. It turns out there is some wisdom in this. Tackling each day with a bit of outward pessimism whilst having inward optimism gives you the ability to tackle anything that comes your way.
Believe it or not, going through a bit of heartache and pain can actually be really good for personal growth. By ‘finding your inner masochist’ the author is pointing out that sometimes the most painful parts of our lives are also the most liberating. Losing your job, house or getting divorced is painful. Losing a loved one is even more so but more often than not, the personal growth that follows hardships like these can lead to great things. You may have lost your job but that could spur you into creating the business that you’ve also wanted to or finding new opportunities you would never have previously considered.
The loss of a special person in your life may have encouraged you to change some of your own negative behaviours, rekindle certain relationships or led you down a better personal path.
And lastly – never suffer alone. This is something I stress all the time to my readers and followers. Talk to people! Reach out! We human beings are designed to have people around us to share in our joy but also in our misery. When life is good and we’re happy we treat ourselves and others well, we give and receive happiness from our networks. But our relationships with others also act as a support network for when we need it. This is why we have family, partners, friends, colleagues and yes sometimes even strangers on the internet! We have these networks so that we don’t have to suffer alone.
We are all in this together – separated in our houses – but all together, and that’s how we get through this… together!
The next couple of months are going to be really, really tough. I think we’re all going to have to be more thoughtful of each other, practice more kindness and love each other a little louder.
Wishing you only good things through 2020 version 2.0!
by 