A parent workshop in Alexandra is spotlighting single dads who have taken on primary caregiving roles; breaking stereotypes of absent father narratives and inspiring men in their community to step up.
Alexandra, South Africa (16 August, 2023)—While stereotypes of the ‘absent father’ would have most people believing that men are unwilling or even incapable of being the primary, and in some cases, the sole caregiver to their children, more single dads in Alexandra Township are showing up for their kids, breaking cycles and inspiring other men to take on more in the process.
Bertha Muchadeyi, family and social services leader at Rays of Hope Alexandra, an Alex-based NPO that has supported the Alex community for over 30 years, shares that the organisation has seen a rise in the number of single fathers attending its parent workshops in search of guidance and support, which in turn inspires younger boys to see themselves in caregiving roles too.
“When the single dads come to the workshops every week, they have a safe space for them to share and offload. They get to talk about the issues they’re facing, and that, I believe, has made a huge difference in the number of men embracing fatherhood as single, primary caregivers,” says Bertha.
“The more they feel empowered as fathers, the more they want to honour their roles as dads and play an active part in raising their children the right way,” she adds.
Single Dads Break Stigmas and Do Their Best
Stanley Nhlapo lives in Alex and is a single father to four children. Following his wife’s passing in 2010, Stanley became the sole caregiver.
For him, the hardest part is having to explain to his kids why they have to do without a new pair of shoes.
“It hurts me as a father to have to tell them they need to wait until we have more money, but I know it’s important to teach them patience and understanding, and for them to realise that we are not as privileged as others.
He adds: “I do my best to make sure they don’t fall into bad habits or do the bad things they see other people doing just so they can get things.”
Bronkos Khoza, a single father living in Alex, also began looking after his now teenage son when his wife fell ill and lost her sight shortly after. As she no longer lives in their home, Khoza took on the primary caregiving role, which for him meant taking on a world of new tasks and responsibilities.
“I need to make sure my child eats, so I learned to cook. He needs clean clothes for school, so I learned to wash and iron his clothes, and I make sure he looks presentable for school every day,” says Khoza.
“I do my best and encourage him to work hard and stay in school, and I remind him that this is how he will be successful and have a better life one day,” he continues.
Another father doing his best under challenging circumstances is Alfred Chauke. While he is now an elderly single father to two children, he has been solely looking after his children since they were in nappies after their mother left the family without warning one day.
His biggest wish is for his children to go to school, but because they were abandoned without their birth certificates, they have been unable to attend.
He currently recycles plastic bottles to make a living or does ‘piece jobs’ where available.
Rays of Hope is currently assisting Chauke with appealing to the Department of Education for help with placing his children in school and has also secured funding for repairs to his home. The organisation also assists both Chauke and Khoza as well as many others with monthly groceries, in addition to providing them with mental and emotional support and guidance at the weekly parenting workshops.
“It’s not easy for these dads, although it’s good to see them taking a more active role in their children’s lives instead of simply walking away when things get tough,” says Bertha who knows that this is the case for so many families.
“But with access to the right support and advice, they can be good fathers and raise a generation of well-rounded, successful young men and women.”
For more information on Rays of Hope, visit here.
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