Sandhya Bhola has penned a piece about falling in love with her life, just the way it is; no white picket fence required.
Durban, South Africa (19 December 2024) – They sold me this story of white picket fences, beautiful babies, a loving husband, fresh flowers on dining room tables and clean, happy homes that echo with laughter. This is the dream they sold me and the dream that I, at 35, still long for.
The love story they didn’t care to sell me, is the story in which I find myself living an absolutely incredible life without a white picket fence in sight.
I get to work at a place where on many a day, I would pay my employer to let me do what I do. I get to love colleagues, love our clients and love literally thousands of retirement fund members who I will never meet. My employer pays me to live my dreams, to use my brain, to lead from my heart and be part of a team who make the future of South Africa that much brighter.
The love story they didn’t tell me about as a little girl is this deep love that I’d have for this glorious city. That glittering ocean, the beckoning lighthouse, the mischievous monkeys and even the ever rowdy Hadedas. Durban continues to quite literally warm my heart. This multicultural, bubbly city where people help you to get the parking ticket machines to work. Where we protect our people and our homes in time of trouble. Where Diwali, Eid, Christmas, all cultures and all traditions are celebrated here in the Kingdom of the isiZulu. In Durban, I’m loved. In Durban a glance at that ocean while driving on the M4 reminds me that no matter what – beauty remains.
As a little girl they didn’t tell me how much I’d love people. How much I’d love and continue to love my parents, my brother, my friends and my family. Even my shrink. My brother gets funnier every day, my nephews remind me of the greatness of God and my best friend continues to inspire my heart. In so many ways and in these simple ways, I live an enchanted life.
They didn’t tell me, when I was a little girl, how much I would love loving God and how much I would love being loved by God. They didn’t sell me the story that I could be single but completely in love with my faith, with my city, with my loved ones, with my work, with simple, perfect cups of tea and all the details of this spectacular experience.
The young women were sold this story that we should be independent and in many ways I’ve been blessed enough to achieve those material goals … but now I see that the real accomplishment lives in my dependence. Dependence on my faith, on my values and on my inherent moral compass. To choose the right path over the easy path and so often to walk courageously with my head held high and my hair blowing in the wind even when I walk alone. To live a dignified life that I am proud of will always rank higher than the handbags and the endless stream of Stanley cups and their accessories that I’m told I need.
So I guess I owe a thank you to those who sold me dreams of white picket fences and all of that other good stuff. I have no doubt that those dreams will be stunning when I get them – but for now I realize that so many other joys were omitted from the stories they sold me. To me, I’m blessed to live a technicolour love story and it’s far beyond my wildest dreams. Sound the alarms, let all the people know … this life is intensely beautiful and white picket fences remain optional.
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