Is the grass greener on the other side? This South African living abroad doesn’t exactly answer this… but he does talk about grass… a lot!
United Kingdom (27 June 2021) – Dene Botha and his wife Cayla recently moved abroad. The couple noticed a few differences since moving and have compiled a list of things that others might want to know when moving to a different country.
“Having been here for six months now, here are 85 things you may want to know about immigrating to the UK.”
So here is their list of 85 things South Africans should all know when moving to the UK (or any other country):
1. You need a vehicle if living outside of London.
2. Food is affordable… Tobacco is not. Booze is relative. (Any non-smokers coming over here, please make contact).
3. There are cameras everywhere! Big Brother IS watching, trust me.
4. Celebrities are like Gods.
5. The grass grows so fast you can hear it moving… mowing the lawn is a weekly if not a daily activity.
6. Public transport is so on-time you can set your watch to it.
7. Tipping waiters is weird… barmen/maids even weird-er. (And I have no idea why)
8. The cops are HARDCORE and take no shit… they don’t carry guns (?!) but will be on you like a rash if you misbehave, so don’t!
9. Mobile communication is so cheap… £10 will get you unlimited calls and a min of 6gigs data pm.
10. There are no mini-bus taxis and very little hooting and/or bad driving in general.
11. If you’re over 60 years old, you’re cherished and gifted many benefits.
12. We haven’t seen barb-wire on an electric fence since arrival… burglar bars are not a thing.
13. People speak LOUDLY.
14. Everything is cooked on gas.
15. Been seen bare-foot is very peculiar…. bare-chested even more so.
16. London may be small but is a NIGHTMARE to get from one side to the other.
17 Fashion… Wow. Haha. I don’t even know where to begin on that one! Anything goes… like, anything.
18. There’s a Costa (or a Starbucks/Pret) on every street corner.
19. Get yourself a screwdriver/toolkit as everything comes in “flat-pack”… everything! (Including bicycles).
20. There are no humans on the other side of the phone… it’s dial 1 for this, 2 for that…. 18 for this, 56 for the other.
21. Kids swear, all the f**ken time!
22. You can check out your own groceries and pump your own gas and are trusted to do so.
23. Data protection is massive! Stick by the rules.
24. 4-year-olds have their own devices.
25. The best way to make money is in the baby/child industry… most girls over the age of 15 seem to be pushing a pram.
26. The other thriving industries are construction and health care, oh and education, transport, tourism, home maintenance, fashion, tech (obviously), customer services, and… well, everything actually.
27. IKEA is a way of life.
28. Be very bloody careful with what football team you’re rooting for and in which area/pub you’re in. You have been warned!
29. More than 3 days of consistent temperatures higher than 23 degrees is considered a heatwave…
30. … But the sun rising at 4 am and setting at 11 pm is normal.
31. Flying to Portugal will cost you £30, flying to New York will cost you £40.
32. There will ALWAYS be at least one odd-ball person on every bus or train that you catch.
33. “The Dole” is severely taken advantage of – it seems to encourage people to be unemployed, have kids, and then get some pets too… this is where the 15-year-old girl pushing the pram lives.
34. Every room in your house has at least 6 power-points.
35. Registering a business costs £15 and takes 48 hours.
36. They cannot believe what loadshedding is (and nor can I still t.b.h).
37. Income tax is 20% minimum.
38. Every day, the news on the TV is brand new, and then it repeats itself for 24 hours until the next day when “new” news arrives.
39. The Royal Family is a big deal (especially the Queen, and Harry and Meghan), Prince Charles, not so much.
40. There are +- 68 tertiary education facilities in South Africa home to 59 million people… there are over 680 in the UK home to 69 million people.
41. Every house has a shed… and it’s full of nothing but crap.
42. Cars are cheap – you buy them online and have them delivered to your house. (Not flat-packed, thank goodness).
43. Even though the British “love to queue”, they don’t like to waste time… if you have a meeting with someone (virtually or in-person), you can guarantee you have their full attention, and they are interested in and/or considering your offer/proposal/suggestion. They are polite and punctual.
44. Everyone from the till-lady at the supermarket to garbage-men seems to enjoy their jobs and have a friendly attitude.
Please excuse me; I need to mow the lawn again… I’ll be back just now.
45. Booze is available 24/7, and everywhere including gas stations and even post offices.
46. Football is not a sport; it’s a religion.
47. You will not find a sink or a bathtub with individual hot and cold water taps… there’s no such thing.
48. Amazon is everywhere.
49. The postman is always pushing mail through your door… seriously, having a “Proof of address” is never a problem.
50. Parsnips are awesome!
51. NB: BBQ’S are made on coal, Braai’s are made with wood! The English don’t seem to understand why we enjoy partaking in this ceremony until they taste it… then they won’t stop bothering you to host more braais.
52. They drive slowly on freeways (which are called motorways), but they drive like bats-out-of-hell down little narrow neighbourhood roads.
53. There’s always something to do… in fact, it’s the choice that debilitates you.
54. Recycling is an absolute MUST, and you’ll be fined if you don’t do it.
55. The Prime Minister isn’t “loved” like you may think he is.
56. Toilet paper comes in 30+ different sizes, thicknesses and shapes.
57. There is so much calcium in the water you need to filter the water BEFORE you put it in the kettle to boil it.
58. Pubs are churches, Football is the religion.
59. People drink (alcohol) a lot!
60. Purchasing “ready-made” meals is the norm…
Ahhh, bugger, excuse me, I’m just nipping out to mow the lawn quickly…
61. If you convert Pounds to Rands (or any other currency), you’re screwed. Stop that ASAP.
62. It’s not called a geyser; it’s a boiler… its the heartbeat of the house.
63. Saying see you “just now” makes people think you’re crazy as it means “earlier on” you time travelling nut-job… saying “now now” has the same effect; pure confusion.
64. You will never see a fully cloud-less sky, and it always looks like the start of an episode of “The Simpsons.”
65. People leave their shoes, umbrellas, bicycles and the likes outside their front doors.
66. Flowers are expensive yet are freely available in other people’s gardens.
67. You could probably furnish your house and fill your wardrobe by walking down the street and picking up what people are throwing away.
“Ding-dong”, ahhhh the postman is here again; it’s something from Amazon…
68. Take-away pizza is an absolute rip-off, as are most takeaways; however, Kebabs are life and are midnight snacks for those returning from church.
69. Mountains… Oh, you will miss the mountains.
70. Walls are thin… doors are thick.
71. Biltong, rooibos tea, Mrs Balls Chutney, and rusks aren’t hard to come by… there are Saffa’s everywhere! (And the English think that we all know each other).
72. Owning a car comes with loads of responsibilities, including insurance, MOT, green zones, scheduled parking etc.
73. Pollen = everywhere.
74. Everything is done by postcode.
What’s that noise? Oh yes, the grass is growing again…
75. Sunglasses are a waste of time except for during the two weeks of Summer.
76. People do not know how to cross the road without the guidance of the flashing green man.
77. Car number plates are white in the front and yellow at the back (once you see it, you’ll never stop noticing it).
78. Tea isn’t as popular as you may think, but a good old fry-up certainly is!
79. A drug store is just a pharmacy… don’t get too excited.
80. Parks are like beaches but without the beach.
81. There’s “Staff wanted” signs in many local businesses, and recruitment agencies are everywhere.
82. There are no Londen’ers in London.
83. The accents are thick.
84. The people are awesome.
85. Immigration is not for sissies!
You will miss your family and friends; however, you can earn a living wage and/or fly home for a family visit or even send money back should you need to. Plus, the data is so cheap you could spend 24 hours a day video chatting with them too.
I could go on for days, but I, unfortunately, I can’t because I need to go mow the lawn again (just kidding, my wife is doing it this time), but ultimately, beautiful South Africa will always be “home” but England has possibilities, opportunities, innovative people, less corruption (every country has it, don’t kid yourself) and many other support-structures and is amazing. Even though it was extremely difficult to do, our “repositioning” over here was the best decision we ever made.
As my Father always says, “YOU are the director and star of YOUR life’s movie.”
Your life is about you.
We wish you all the best with making YOUR movie.
Dene and Cayla – South Africans living in England.
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Love, love!💞🥰🎊👏