Troy Adam Jacobson shares his personal insights into overcoming shyness, his depression and finding a space where he belonged.
South Africa (02 July 2025) – There is a silence that clings to you when you are growing up of never quite being good enough. It doesn’t shout, it lingers. A quiet, persistent hum in the back of your every decision, every thought. That hum was with me when I was a child, and it was a deafening roar in my most vulnerable phase, my teenage years.
I was the quiet type. The introvert in the back of the room, avoiding eye contact and hoping not to be noticed. Social interactions felt like a maze I didn’t have the map for. Where other people would make friends with ease, I could not even initiate a conversation. It felt like everyone around me had been handed a manual for connection and belonging, and somehow, I’d missed the distribution.
Making friends wasn’t easy. I often found myself on the outside, watching life happen through a window I couldn’t break through. The isolation didn’t just sting, it sank into me. I questioned my worth, my likability, even my existence. I started to believe that maybe something was wrong with me. And that belief became a shadow that coloured everything I did.
As I grew through my adolescence, that unspoken loneliness deepened. I became withdrawn. Each failed attempt to connect chipped away at my confidence until there wasn’t much left. I tried to blend in, to mould myself into who I thought others wanted me to be. But even then, the emptiness persisted. Depression followed, heavy and unforgiving.
I spent years trapped in my own mind, convinced that I wasn’t enough, never had been, never would be.
But over time, and often in the smallest of moments, I began to learn something: the pain of rejection, while real and sharp, isn’t nearly as damaging as the pain of never trying at all.
The turning point didn’t come with a grand gesture or some grand heroic act. It came with little acts of courage, raising my hand in class, starting a conversation even when my voice trembled and going to social events when everything in me was telling me to stay home. Slowly, those little steps became a path forward. I started to see my sensitivity and quietness not as flaws, but as parts of me that had strength, too.
I’m not saying that everything just instantly became easier. It didn’t. What changed was my mentality, my belief that I was worth taking up space, worthy of trying, worthy of showing up in this world.
To the young people who feel out of place, who are introverted, anxious, or unsure of where they fit in: I see you. I was you. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that you are not alone.
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You don’t need to become someone else to be loved or accepted. You just need to start believing that you are enough as you are. Get out of your comfort zone. Say yes to things that scare you, even a little. Talk to people, even if your voice shakes. Rejection may sting, but not trying at all? That leaves a mark that lasts much longer.
You are worthy of connection. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of becoming exactly who you were always meant to be.
Words to Carry with You
“You don’t have to be fearless. You just have to be brave for a moment.”
“Sometimes the people who feel like they don’t belong are the ones who are meant to lead others home.”
Believe in yourself, even if it takes time because it will take a lot of time. The world needs your voice. And one day, you’ll find your people. I promise. It took me almost 23 years but I can now confidently say that I have finally found my person.
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