A private photo meant for one person became a national spectacle but now, South Africans are standing up for Margaret van Wyk and asking: when did we forget how to be kind?
South Africa (27 August 2016) – Over the past few days, South Africans have been speaking out in defence of Margaret van Wyk, a mom who made a private mistake that went horrifically public.
If you’ve missed the headlines, she accidentally sent a nude photo meant for her husband to a WhatsApp group of fellow hockey parents. And while she immediately apologised, someone in that group decided to screenshot it and post it online.
What followed was a digital witch hunt, complete with hashtags, jokes, and public humiliation. But amidst the noise, something powerful has emerged: support. Real, compassionate, South African support. Crowdfunding campaigns have been launched. Lawyers are speaking up. And everyday South Africans are saying enough is enough — this isn’t who we are. Or at least, it’s not who we want to be. One such South African, Ruann Weidemann, wrote an open letter that’s now being shared across the country. It’s raw. It’s reflective. And it’s a brutally honest look in the mirror.
Here it is, in full:
Dear Margaret,
As a member of a somewhat sick society here on the tip of a beautiful continent, I want to go down on you, I mean my knees, and apologise for our evil behaviour earlier this week.
We’re the same group of people that crucified Pistorius and wrecked Joost. We are not individuals, but a deindividuated group of South African morons, sitting like confused boereworsies in front of our pc’s, while mamma’s in the kitchen where she belongs and boetie by die rugby besig om die kak uit die laaities uit te tackle.
Sundays we’re at church singing ‘God van yster en beton,’ and on Monday morning we’re driving to work hoping Bettie is wearing her short skirt again. We sing along to kak like Skaroemba and still believe that Jesus was a white man.
I apologise for our behaviour earlier this week, Margaret, but let’s blame it on Apartheid and the fact that we don’t care much about anything other than skinder, 7de laan, and cheap thrills.
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I bet you’re doing the same thing right now, aren’t you Margaret, hiding from the world?
From the deepest part of my being I beg you to try and understand why we have done this to you. Deindividuation turns perfectly nice everyday people into internet bullies, and the bystander effect is us standing by and cheering it on (See the rape and murder of Catherine “Kitty” Genovese, “where at least 38 people in the vicinity witnessed the rape but had done nothing to help, which allowed the attacker to return to the scene and finish his killing.”) However, most of us just watch and laugh at this kind of stuff. We’re pussies, really, and heartless at that.
The truth is we want you to be shamed, and we want to tell our friends. We want to be a part of a sadistic group of internet bullies, because we want to be entertained. We want to know that there’s someone out there far worse off than us. It makes us feel just a little bit better about our pathetic little lives.
We’re the same group of people who pushed that girl in High School to commit suicide. We even gave ou Henrie a loopdop that night he crashed his car. Ek wonder of die mense besef jy is iemand se ma?
What still surprises me is how we watch kaal tannies on the internet all day long. Hell, we even masturbate to it, but let’s not talk about that. We cry at night about dead friends and feel hurt when people judge our appearances. We have panic attacks and rescue stray dogs. We feed children and support oom Angus.
But still, Margaret, we are not nice people. We are 100% willing to ruin your reputation and to break you down.
Be strong, Margaret. I wish there were a straight way out of this. Sue daai bliksem/kat wat jou so verneder het, of verander jou naam en gaan ver weg. Hierdie mense gaan nie verander nie.
Just know that some of us are sorry, and we’re here to help. Our thoughts are with you and your family.
With kindness,
Ruann Weidemann
If you’re reading this, and you’ve been part of the problem, even if it was just one share, one meme, one laugh, it’s not too late to be better. Delete it. Apologise. Learn. Choose decency.
Because we can’t undo what’s been done to Margaret. But we can make sure we never do this to someone else.
by 
