What if the key to your peace wasn’t fixing, controlling, or overthinking – but simply letting go? Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory is a life-changing reminder that freedom begins where control ends.
Johannesburg, South Africa (09 January 2025) – Have you heard about the “Let Them” theory? If you haven’t, are you even on the internet? Seriously, it feels like it’s everywhere right now. And I guess that’s because it is such a powerful concept.
Actually, I kinda feel like Mel Robbins herself seems to be everywhere right now. Maybe that’s just my algorithms working overtime, but I’m not angry… or disappointed about it.
I actually quite like it.
I was first introduced to her late last year thanks to Mandy Wiener, who sent me spiralling (in a good way) with a podcast about being addicted to stress and the chaos of being “busy.” It was hard to listen to – mainly because it hit way too close to home. It made me realise how much I take on, how often I try to overachieve, and why I’ve been living life at a million miles an hour. Since then, I’ve dived into a few more of her podcasts, and I’ve got to admit… some of her insights have stuck with me. And I have made valuable changes to my perspective and my life.
Ja, I like her.
Where was I? Oh, the “Let Them” theory.
Mel first mentioned this concept on a podcast (I think it was sometime in 2023), and it struck such a chord with the world that it eventually became a book that she published on Christmas Eve last year, which – surprise, surprise – is already a global bestseller.
Ummm… just for some context, that was 16 days ago and the book is already a GLOBAL bestseller.
Goeie genade.
So the theory is everywhere… or it will be in your peripheral pretty soon.
But what is the “Let Them” theory?
Well, in its simplest form, it’s about letting people do whatever they want – and not letting it disturb you. The idea is that people will act, think, and behave however they choose. And instead of trying to control them, micromanage situations, or worry endlessly about their actions, you just… let them.
Let them make their own choices. Let them think what they want about you. Let them live their lives as they see fit. And, most importantly, let yourself focus on your own peace and priorities.
It’s not about being passive or indifferent. It’s about recognising that you can’t control others – and learning to stop wasting your energy trying.
And yes, perhaps the theory has always been around in one shape or another. “Let go and let God”, “Let it be” or “You do you boo” but Mel has managed to take “Let Them” and turn it into something that we can use to better ourselves in 2025.
Lekker… but how do we actually apply this theory in our own lives?
I’m no Mel Robbins but I’ve broken it down into three easy steps:
1. Pause and check yourself.
The next time someone’s actions irritate you, take a moment before reacting. Ask yourself, “Does this actually impact my life, or am I just caught up in the moment?” Often, we realise that what someone else is doing or saying has little – if any – direct effect on our day-to-day life. Maybe they’re late to meet you, made an offhand comment, or didn’t respond the way you wanted. Does it change who you are? Does it stop you from living your life the way you want to? Most of the time, the answer is no. When you pause and reflect, it creates space to detach from the emotional reaction and move forward without letting it weigh you down.
2. Release the need for control.
Let’s be honest, control feels good – or at least we think it does. But trying to control other people’s thoughts, behaviours, or choices is like swimming upstream: exhausting, unproductive, and ultimately impossible. People will do what they want, and their decisions are about them, not you. Accepting this is freeing. It means you don’t have to waste your energy trying to “fix” people, make them see things your way, or manage situations outside of your control. Instead, you can redirect that energy towards creating boundaries that protect your peace. For example, if someone’s negativity drags you down, you can choose to limit your interaction with them. You’re not responsible for changing them, but you are responsible for how much you let it affect you.
3. Focus on what matters.
It’s easy to let someone else’s choices or behaviours consume your thoughts, especially when they feel personal. But obsessing over things outside your control takes time and energy away from the things that truly matter – your passions, your happiness, and your peace. When you feel yourself spiralling, redirect your focus to what lights you up and keeps you grounded. Spend time with people who lift you up, dive into hobbies that make you feel alive, or simply sit in gratitude for the good things in your life. The more you pour your energy into the things that truly enrich your life, the less room there is for the things that don’t. Letting them “do them” gives you the space to “do you.” And that’s where the magic happens.
Since learning about this, I’ve tried to let go of little things that used to bother me (not always successfully, but I’m trying!).
When we know better, we do better! Yes?
Knowing how to “let them” is being better. And “letting them” is such a simple yet liberating shift in perspective. A proper game-changer.
Ja, let them.
Okay. Love you. Bye.
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